Chapter 7 (Excerpt): Finding & Attracting the Man of your Dreams—the Boss’s Way!

Men say no sometimes, too. I talked about this in my first book where I point out that you can’t be the special girl for every man; you are not going to be everyone’s type, and you won’t always be a first choice … and that’s okay. That’s what you really need to take away from this chapter—it’s okay for a man to be honest about his decision to stop seeing you romantically. Not every good man is meant to be with you, just as you are not available for all of those good guys out there. Although it will not be as simple as moving on to the next “candidate,” as bosses do, there is nothing wrong with having to start the process again—it may not even need to be from scratch. You may have another guy on your list that came close to being in first place. What about him? That is what dating is all about, right? Weighing your options. When you do come across the really good one (regardless if he was first or second on your list), you won’t regret that time spent. Besides, you will become better at the search that next time around. Alas, it’s their decision—and it’s okay!

What’s coming now is actually pretty astonishing. Remember the top reasons job candidates turn down an offer? They are analogous to why a man can decide not to take the relationship to the next level.

Top reasons for the decline:
-Package. After dating and talking over time, he has had a chance to learn more about you and what you can/intend to bring to the relationship. Sometimes men decide that it’s not enough. For instance, some men do not believe in keeping exes as friends. A woman may decide that she will not compromise on this. Or, in another instance, a woman may decide that she wishes to remain celibate until marriage. Some men simply decide that they don’t like the package you are offering, and instead decide to keep what the two of you have the way it is. In other words, they’d rather remain platonic.
-Location. With the advent of so many ways to be able to contact someone, it’s no wonder there are a growing number of long-distance relationships. If you are like me, it is sometimes inevitable, because you are moving for school or work, or both. Some men (and women) decide that long-distance relationships are out of the question. You’ll find this happening more with people who are seeking to enter a relationship primarily for the daily companionship. This can be (financially, mentally, and physically) difficult if the person you are dating lives on a different coast.
-Economy. The candidate is not in the best place, financially, to take on a relationship. After all, dating can cost money.
-Fear. Fear of commitment is a very real thing. A lot of responsibility comes along with a relationship and some men may not be ready for that—or they may not be ready for the level of commitment they know they would have to bring to the relationship with you.
-Comfort. Some men are very comfortable being single, and even though you are a good catch, they may not be quite ready to hang up the single life. They are willing to take the risk that you may not be available when they are ready.
-Competition. He may be interested in someone else. Someone else may be offering him something you can’t or aren’t willing to provide. For example, someone told me once that he chose another girl because he needed to know that wherever he picked to live, she would be willing to move there, too. He knew that I wouldn’t be the one to do that because I was (at the time) very focused on my own career and aspirations.
-Fit. You are just not the right girl. For whatever reason, during the dating period he has learned that being in a relationship with you may not be his best decision at this time, so he’s not interested.